Need advice

sucramdw · #1 04-04-2006, 08:16 AM

Hey everyone!

I have gotten myself in a bit of a situation. I have feelings for a girl and care about her a lot. I am doing her diet as well as her roomates. I have kissed her, and in fact tonight we kissed. The problem is that she isn't a Christian and she masterbates among other things. I really care for her but I dont feel this is meant from God. She does so many things that I would love to find in a girl such as being the most dedicated person I have seen to a diet besides myself, and she wants to be a figure competitor. I feel like I could go on and on explaining why I like her, but in the end I really dont feel like this is from God. I also feel like I am not honoring Jesus and following him to the best of my ability by persueing her. I will talk about it with God later tonight because that talk is definitely due.

My roomate starting dating his gf when she wasn't a Christian, and now she is a very close to Christ. So that is one example I look at sometimes.

Do you think it is ok to persue something with this girl if I watch closely to myself and make sure I am not tempted away from Christ by her in what I do?

Should a Christian ever persue a Non-Christian?

I basically just want to discuss this because I needed to tell people and get it out there.

Thanks everyone!

l0stsheep · #2 04-04-2006, 08:51 AM

Hey man,

The Bible is clear that you shouldn't date unbelievers:

"Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?"
-2 Corinthians 6:14

And I think it makes sense. While your friend's situation shows that a person can be converted to Christianity if it is God's will, that is not the normal state of events when a Christian dates a non-Christian. And I can tell you this from experience. My past g/f was not a believer. Rather, she said she went to church, which she never did, and said she read the Bible, which she never did. And it was amazing, but as I got closer to her and fell in love with her, I never made any decision to walk away from Christ; it just happened.

Think of it this way:Picture someone sitting on a stool, with someone sitting on the ground next to him. Now if the person in the stool were to try to lift the person on the ground up to him, what would happen? He couldn't. But, if the person on the ground were to try to pull the person down, how easily could this be accomplished? Very easily.

Think of it this way: There are two ships sailing at night, trying to meet. Since one cannot see the other, it will be impossible to meet somewhere on the dark ocean. But, if they pick a common point at which to meet, how easily will they meet there, even if they are in the dark? Very easily. So, I think this thought shows how hard it is for those who are of different beliefs to be close to eachother because they have no way to meet. But, if you are both Christians, then you have a common meeting place: Christ. So, as you both try to get closer to Christ, you, therefore, get closer to eachother.

But, it sounds like you know the answer to this one. As you said, it doesn't seem right to God. And you need to trust this. Trust what God seems to be saying to you because this feeling is definitely Biblical and better for YOU. if you were to date her, the possibilities of her becoming a Christian are slim(Men often think they can change a girl, or save her, but why will her mind all of a sudden be changed since she is with you. And maybe she might have a "conversion" that isn't sincere, in order to keep you. You never know) But the possibility of this hurting you is very probable. So, for your sake, I would stay away. You have pointed out ungodly things she does, and you feel like God is calling you away from her. I would listen to what you are feeling, it's of God.

Finally, you make it seem like you won't be able to find these qualities in a Christian girl. Sure, these are not readily found in a lot of girls: being strict in diet and wanting to be a firgure competitor, but they are out there. These are qualities that a lot of girls have, so don't give in to this one because you think you won't find these things you like. You haave to understand that God knows the things you, a good Christian, looks for in a girl because He gave you those desires! So he will not deprive you of what you look for in a girl(especially because there is nothing wrong with the things you look for). He will give you the girl you want.

This seems like a temptation to me. To see if you will fall for satan's fruit that is in the here and now. But I pray you will turn him down and wait for God's blessing and His plan which will come. And remember, nothing is greater than what God can give. God knows what you want and need, and a relationship through Him will be better than anything. I promise. Wait on the Lord.

Sorry if this is jumbled, it's about 2am for me. [img]/forum/images/graemlins/crazy.gif[/img]

sucramdw · #3 04-04-2006, 09:18 AM

[ QUOTE ]
And it was amazing, but as I got closer to her and fell in love with her, I never made any decision to walk away from Christ; it just happened.

[/ QUOTE ]Well this definitely made me cry...

It definitely helps for me to get a response like that from you Kyle. I am really in tune with my feelings and what Im doing, which is why I feel very insecure with taking this relationship anywhere. A lot of time I just feel like I am putting, "fun" over God. It really hurts to know that I do this. The things I like about her I know I could find in a Christian, but I also know that wouldn't matter, because just being involved with a Christian would be enough.

[ QUOTE ]
Think of it this way: There are two ships sailing at night, trying to meet. Since one cannot see the other, it will be impossible to meet somewhere on the dark ocean. But, if they pick a common point at which to meet, how easily will they meet there, even if they are in the dark? Very easily. So, I think this thought shows how hard it is for those who are of different beliefs to be close to eachother because they have no way to meet. But, if you are both Christians, then you have a common meeting place: Christ. So, as you both try to get closer to Christ, you, therefore, get closer to eachother.

[/ QUOTE ] This was awesome! A lot of people fantasize about how hot a girl is and what they want to do with her, but I have fantasized so many times about being with a girl and just talking about Christ.

[ QUOTE ]
This seems like a temptation to me. To see if you will fall for satan's fruit that is in the here and now. But I pray you will turn him down and wait for God's blessing and His plan which will come. And remember, nothing is greater than what God can give. God knows what you want and need, and a relationship through Him will be better than anything. I promise. Wait on the Lord.

[/ QUOTE ]
I am really going to be thinking about this a lot.

I really just need to figure out what I'm going to do. I dont want this to be a question of, "God or her", because I am trying to convince myself that I can follow Christ and still be around her. I guess I just have hopes of a conversion down the road. I really appreciate the response Kyle. I am very tired and am going to go to bed now, but I hope to talk more tomorrow.

jeffrobodean · #4 04-04-2006, 12:28 PM

Not to go against Kyle, but I always felt that my last girlfriend was a "gift" from God to get me to listen to him. I was very apart from God - not living a healthy life at all, spiritually or physically. She was a very strong Christian. We met, fell in love and I finally gave up everything, alcohol, smoking, drugs, you name it. I gave my life over to Christ. We have since went our separate ways, and I am now married to a wonderful Christian woman.
I did pull her down, but she helped bring me up. I think God just needed to reveal himself to me in a way that he knew I'd listen, because I sure wasn't getting any other message he was sending.
This is really between you and God - maybe He wants you to help her walk with Him. Maybe it's not from God, but a temptation otherwise. Talk to God and see where he leads you.

Requiem · #5 04-04-2006, 10:41 PM

are you two for real ?

tarheelsykes · #6 04-04-2006, 10:46 PM

hey man,
I would look at it this way. You definitely want to honor God first. I would discuss with her your beliefs, how important it is to you, let the Holy Spirit lead you in this discussion. This should give you a great idea of how she feels about Jesus, and you can go from there

Awesome · #7 04-04-2006, 11:01 PM

[ QUOTE ]
hey man,
I would look at it this way. You definitely want to honor God first. I would discuss with her your beliefs, how important it is to you, let the Holy Spirit lead you in this discussion. This should give you a great idea of how she feels about Jesus, and you can go from there

[/ QUOTE ]

I concur with this one.

Leafy Green Vegetables · #8 04-04-2006, 11:09 PM

If its any consolation, I am marrying a non-christian.

I have been dating her for 10 years and comtiplated the whole "but she is not Christian" thing. I had a very hard time with it and it was preventing me from asking her to marry me. I had to step back away from the relationship for a while and improve MY relationship with God so I could see what was the right thing to do.

While this women I will be marrying is not Christian, I truely believe that she is gift from God. By stepping away from our relationship, I believe God led me to this realization.

I dont think you should run away from this one just yet. Follow the above advice and listen to what God has to say. You never know, God may pair you two together for hersake, to help her find God. This doesnt necessarily mean you have to marry her to have this impact, but it surely doesnt mean you cant see where it goes.

Had I turned away for these reasons...I shudder to think about it.

kokokolo · #9 04-05-2006, 12:09 AM

I dont know. If you can help her find Christ before getting marrie thats one thing. If you cant do this before getting married I woul not assume you will be able to sometime after getting married, and she may lead you away.

Mavrick · #10 04-05-2006, 01:28 AM

[ QUOTE ]

Do you think it is ok to persue something with this girl if I watch closely to myself and make sure I am not tempted away from Christ by her in what I do?

Should a Christian ever persue a Non-Christian?

I basically just want to discuss this because I needed to tell people and get it out there.

Thanks everyone!

[/ QUOTE ]

eh, its hard to say what you should do, and what you shouldnt do, beucase in retrospect, im not a athiest, but theres what you want & need, and what god wants & needs...and im verrry firm beliver in fidning a good medium between both, hey, mabey that dosent make me a stone cold christian 100000% maximus, But, i live an extremly happy life. and personally i do think you should continue on relations with her(hahah that reminded me of the bill clinton scandal), hey some people will never be christans, and somtimes they lead better lives than christians 10fold, wiht the exception of attending church.

[ QUOTE ]
The problem is that she isn't a Christian and she masterbates among other things. I really care for her but I dont feel this is meant from God.

[/ QUOTE ] does it really matter than she masterbates? seeing as how she isnt christian that type of thing dosent really seem bad to her, she simply does what makes her happy, like everyone should do(within the limits of your governing relgious belifs i guess) and youve gotta relise everyone lives there lives to diffrent standards, people in islam pray like 6 times a day and do some crazy sh!t, hey in there eyes, thats normal, but to some, its odd, i could care less because thats their relgion & how they veiw there religious text.soooo id say go for it, and aslong as yall are happy with eachother, i dont really see a need to run someone down justbecuase of a flaw in how they think, sure, relgiuons a big deal to you, but to her, mabey not so much, so it could seem as trivial to her as how you tie your shoes..

[ QUOTE ]
I also feel like I am not honoring Jesus and following him to the best of my ability by persueing her.

[/ QUOTE ] yeah...you could also be a monk and completly give your life to him, i mean sure, in a football game im postive i dont honor jesus to the best of my abilties by any means, or the party after the games...i relax and have fun... [img]/forum/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] , dunno how this will go over... but, im dont think jesus died JUST SO you could worship him and live your life in a xerox copy of his, and constnaly thinking about him, theres a time, a place and a limit for everyone, you have to decdide what you want in your life, even if that does mean not being a steadfast christian to the best of your abilites, because in the end, if its what you want, its what you want.

and also, this COULD lead you away from christianty, because if you decide aginst going with her, then you may regret it later, and youll know exactly why, you were so F'ing strict with yourself you didnt allow anytime for play, and that may cause you to lose your respect for religon much more than going with her would have from the get go...

[ QUOTE ]
A lot of time I just feel like I am putting, "fun" over God. It really hurts to know that I do this. The things I like about her I know I could find in a Christian, but I also know that wouldn't matter, because just being involved with a Christian would be enough.

[/ QUOTE ]
yeah...you COULD also win the olympic speed skating comp. , but what are the odds...seriously? it just seems that ur being way to hard on yourself and your over-thinking stuff

Sorry its extremly scatter-brained