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Old 04-21-2005, 10:59 AM
Coz Coz is offline
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OK I figured I would make my very first post in the female forum and get some input from the ladies on this site.

Ok to get to the point...I am constantly getting into arguments with my gf about her choice of attire. She has great taste but is a little too revealing. She has toned it down a lot in the past couple of years but it is still a little too much for my liking. It is bad enough that too many guys stare and I have found myself in many altercations before.

So summer is coming and I dread it. Those low waisted pants, halter tops drive me nuts. I mean I find them attractive but not on my gf... [img]/forum/images/graemlins/smirk.gif[/img] ,for obvious reasons.

Ok so this has nothing to do with trust...nobody can even approach her she is a total ([---]) to strangers and the rock never leaves her finger. Also she is far from insecure she is very confident so it is not a matter of needing attention. Yet she attracts too much unecessary attention and I worry about her. I also don't want to give the impression that she dresses like she is a street walker because it's not that bad. She is classy just a little too revealing.

I have pretty much tried every angle and like I said she has improved but still too much so I am not sure what else to do or say. She does anything for me but now she thinks I want her to look like a muslim woman which is also not the case.

Any ideas cause I am getting grey hairs over this.
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  #2  
Old 04-21-2005, 11:27 AM
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Default Re: Clothing

[ QUOTE ]
Ok to get to the point...I am constantly getting into arguments with my gf about her choice of attire. She has great taste but is a little too revealing. She has toned it down a lot in the past couple of years but it is still a little too much for my liking. It is bad enough that too many guys stare and I have found myself in many altercations before.

So summer is coming and I dread it. Those low waisted pants, halter tops drive me nuts. I mean I find them attractive but not on my gf... ,for obvious reasons.

Ok so this has nothing to do with trust...nobody can even approach her she is a total ([---]) to strangers and the rock never leaves her finger. Also she is far from insecure she is very confident so it is not a matter of needing attention. Yet she attracts too much unecessary attention and I worry about her. I also don't want to give the impression that she dresses like she is a street walker because it's not that bad. She is classy just a little too revealing.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is coming from the perspective of someone who has been with a boyfriend like this. And I pretty much told him to kiss my a** b/c this is how I was when you met me and this is how I'm gonna be. Oh and yes he'd get the anger going the fights, etc. And it was rather embarassing. I think instead of looking at is uncessary attention and getting angry you need to say ya, that's my woman and she's going home with me. With so many unfit, insecure people in this world, embrace the apparent beauty and confidence she has, don't try to hide it.

You are also presenting a double standard b/c you say halter tops, low waisted pants, etc. are okay on other women, but not yours. Do you think she appreciates you checking out other women who wear halter tops and short shorts...I can't name too many women who like their man to check out other women. So, if she quits wearing halter tops and low waisted , you quit checking out other women wearing halter tops and short shorts!!

If she has a ring on her finger, she's commited to you and only you and yes, this does have to do with trust. The reason a man gets angry and jealous is a. b/c he needs to grow up (i'm not trying to slam you at all so plz. don't take it that way b/c I know nothing about you) and b. b/c he doesn't have trust and thinks the one he love is capable of being tempted away from him.

Instead of asking how you can receive help to get her to dress more conservatively, maybe you should be asking for ways of coping with the person your girlfriend is and embracing all of her and how she presents herself. No matter what a woman wears, if she's hot, she'll get checked out and you should be proud!!
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  #3  
Old 04-21-2005, 11:42 AM
Coz Coz is offline
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Default Re: Clothing

Hehe, I guess I deserved that sweetpea but I better clarify a few things;

Everyone looks at other girls...even girls look at other girls. My gf and I both look at other girls and can admire beauty. She always asks me if I find another girl attractive. However, looking and admiring beauty is one thing and stopping staring and drooling is another. I don't care if someone looks at my girl, that doesn't bother me at all...but when they stop her and harrass her, then then I do.

That is the ONLY issue here. It has nothing to do with jealousy because I like it when she gets compliments. However, I worry when she walks to her car alone at night. Of course it doesn't matter what you are wearing when you are a pretty girl alone at night but you have to agree that revealing clothing will attract more attention than conservative clothing and possibly give guys the wrong idea.

This is a matter of safety not jealousy. Don't peg me as the guy that gets into fights because someone looked at her...that is not me. Anyone can look just don't touch.

If I wasn't 100% she was commited to me I wouldn't even care what she wore.
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Hebrews 10:35-36
(35) Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward. (36) For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise.

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
-Albert Einstein

"I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I don't know."
- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)


Arnold, Franco and Sly at Gold's Gym.
  #4  
Old 04-21-2005, 11:58 AM
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Default Re: Clothing

Sorry if I came across rude. It just hit close to home.

I see the safety issue you have w/your girlfriend and her clothing, but what does a 9 year old girl do to get raped. Nothing. If people are sick they are sick and they are going to attack whoever. If your gf is a B* to strangers, then she probably doesn't have a huge chance of getting attacked. Predators prey on the weak and the meek, not the confident and the strong. They usually go after someone who they don't think will fight back and from the way you described your gf, she would!!

Harassing a girl is inapproriate no matter what in my opinion and I can completely understand where that would upset you b/c it's a total lack of respect for the someone you love and care about.

I think if she's toned down some that maybe she feels like she's compromised with you and you should back down some.
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  #5  
Old 04-21-2005, 12:10 PM
Coz Coz is offline
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Default Re: Clothing

Thanks for your reply, I didn't mean to strike a nerve with my first post...I am trying to back off but I am a worrier so sometimes it comes out.

She is all bark and no bite...she couldn't fight her way out of a wet paper bag and she knows it. She is more bark when she has someone around to protect her.

You are absolutely right you could be wearing a snow suit and get attacked. I just feel that if you are attracting attention it is more likely to attract the wrong kind.

Also, one of my ex's was attacked a long time ago and some of my behavious with her may be cause of that.

Thanks for your advice I appreciate it. [img]/forum/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]
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Hebrews 10:35-36
(35) Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward. (36) For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise.

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
-Albert Einstein

"I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I don't know."
- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)


Arnold, Franco and Sly at Gold's Gym.
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Old 04-21-2005, 12:32 PM
littleamazon littleamazon is offline
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Default Re: Clothing

Cos, I agree with Sweetpea. Maybe it is the time for your girlfriend to take some classes on how to defend herself in a basic manner?

It would relieve some of the tension for her safety, and it will also train her by giving her pointers on security.

Yeah, there are a lot of pervs out there, regardless of what a woman wears that have no respect for PEOPLE.

About your ex girl getting attacked...neither her or you are responsible for other people's choices and actions. Lack of clothing or too much clothing is just an excuse that people use. In these people's minds, even a nun is wearing too revealing clothes. Hope your ex girl is doing better though.

Why not share some tips with her on what your learned on your martial arts training? Still, the formal training by somebody else at least would give her room to learn other things too...and talk to somebody that's not emotionally involved with her about some security concerns she might have *not that she doesn't trust you but we don't want you going paranoid. lol*

Hugs,

Amazon
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  #7  
Old 04-21-2005, 12:49 PM
Coz Coz is offline
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Default Re: Clothing

I know you girls are right. I am like this with every girl I know...sisters, mother, friends, employees...I make sure to walk anyone I know to their car at night when I can etc...I am paranoid about the safety of people close to me.

I have taught her some things to do in-case of attack but when you are half the size of an attacker or maybe even mutiple attackers there is not much you can do.
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Hebrews 10:35-36
(35) Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward. (36) For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise.

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
-Albert Einstein

"I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I don't know."
- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)


Arnold, Franco and Sly at Gold's Gym.
  #8  
Old 04-21-2005, 01:55 PM
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Default Re: Clothing

Sorry to hear about the situation with your ex and I can see where your paranoia comes from.

I would definitely look into some self-defense classes for your gf to take in your area. Size doesn't always determine who will win the fight, often times it is the determination to win.

I commend you for the protector role you take over the women in your life and wish you luck with your gf.
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  #9  
Old 04-21-2005, 02:20 PM
littleamazon littleamazon is offline
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Default Re: Clothing

Oh Coz..the best you can do is prepare but things will work out better. I know what you mean about twice the size, sometimes is a matter of the element of surprise and reacting quickly. For example, I always park close to my building and on lighted areas, I always have my keys in hand with the remote to open the doors immediately. I also look under the car, close all doors, get in the car, lock the doors and start the engine *a lot of women waste time setting things down "properly". Safety should always be a concern as well as being aware of our surroundings but also know what to do IF anything happens.

It is good to know that there are still men that take the role as protectors seriously. Still, you need to learn to live life, regardless of the risks as best and happily as you can. We all need to let go to a certain extent or we would all go insane worrying. I walk with my friends to my car, drive them to theirs and wait until they have the engine running and are ready to go to leave. Still, I think she should take formal classes.

Amazon
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  #10  
Old 04-21-2005, 02:30 PM
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Default Re: Clothing

[ QUOTE ]
Oh Coz..the best you can do is prepare but things will work out better. I know what you mean about twice the size, sometimes is a matter of the element of surprise and reacting quickly. For example, I always park close to my building and on lighted areas, I always have my keys in hand with the remote to open the doors immediately. I also look under the car, close all doors, get in the car, lock the doors and start the engine *a lot of women waste time setting things down "properly". Safety should always be a concern as well as being aware of our surroundings but also know what to do IF anything happens.

[/ QUOTE ]

Great post!!! Being aware of our surroundings plays a major role in our vulnerability. I do the same with my keys. I get them ready before I walk out of a building. It's something my mom told me to do and it's stuck with me!!!
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My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and I glorify God in it by walking in divine healing and divine health. - I Cor. 6:19
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