Blonde Jokes

[Serendipity]

Someone sent me some blonde jokes so I'd thought I'd share. You probably already heard these before.



AUTO REPAIR

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburettor."
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"


SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding, and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"


EXPOSURE

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"

She says, "Why, officer?"
"Because your breast is hanging out," he says.
She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"


RIVER WALK

There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"

The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."


KNITTING

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realising that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"

"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

[Fireproof]

Ha - those are funny. I had not heard them before.

[NutMeg]

I heard the last one as an old lady joke [img]/forum/images/graemlins/crazy.gif[/img]

[CRaVe]

LMAO

[OUTLAW20SICX]

ahahahhhaah

[respa]

Here are some more.


Complaining Contractor

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive, double-pane, energy-efficient kind. But this week I got a call from the contractor, complaining that his work had been completed a whole year ago and I hadn't paid for them. Boy, oh boy, did we go 'round and 'round! Just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. I proceeded to tell him just what his fast-talking sales guy had told me ... that in one year the windows would pay for themselves. There was silence on the other end, so I just hung up, and I haven't heard back from him. Guess I won that stupid argument!





A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer asks her some questions:
Officer: What's 2 + 2?
Blonde: Ummm... 4!

Officer: What's the square root of 100?
Blonde: Ummm... 10!

Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?
Blonde: Ummm... I dunno.

Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.

The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. The blonde replies excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a murder case!"

[nozzle]

My favorite...

A blonde and a brunette are walking down the street. The brunette exclaims, "Oh, that poor, dead bird!" As the blonde scans the sky, she asks, "Where?"

[img]/forum/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[Tuf]

[ QUOTE ]
RIVER WALK

There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"

The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."

[/ QUOTE ]
[img]/forum/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] That's my favorite.

[CoLDTuRKeY]

[ QUOTE ]
She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"

[/ QUOTE ]

Haha! That was great.

[Big-Guy]

LMAO. those were great jokes. I havent heard most of them. But defiently some good material.