Invited to a wedding... - ABCbodybuilding

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Old 07-07-2003, 02:04 PM
enderwigginout enderwigginout is offline
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Default Invited to a wedding...

I just got a wedding invitation in the mail from a high school acquaitence. I lived in a small town, so I've known her since at least fourth grade or earlier (which means I was in a class with her EVERY year for about seven or eight years). We were not close, I wouldn't even call us "friends" as I didn't have friends in school (I was poor and not very popular). I have not seen ANYONE from my school days since graduation night and have never sought out any of them (or any info about them either).

Not only that, but I do not speak to my parents who still live in my old hometown (haven't spoken to them in two years except for them sending me a few brief emails which I largely ignore). So, if I were to go back home I would have to stay in a hotel (which I have no money for) and they would find out of course (which would be really bad if I didn't go see them) or consent to stay with them (which I do not want to do--and since it nicely coincides with my older bro's 30th birthday I would be forced to endure a whole weekend of my family--that's a whole can of worms I won't go into). And I'd have to buy a nice dress [img]/forum/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img] . And I have no one cute to drag down there with me.

I'm also going to be quite busy with school work...and have no money for bus fare.

Having said all that, it would be interesting to go back and see what people look like and stuff. Who's preggers and who's married and all that. However, I don't really care, just kind of a...ahhhhh, okay...thing.

But, my mom emailed me (one of our few emails) to let me know that she told this girl my address and she mentioned that this girl didn't invite many people. And she invited me? I don't really understand because we NEVER hung out and she was semi-popular so she had plenty of other people to invite (although we were both quite intelligent and at one point she and I and one other girl were the entire second year physics course).

So...should I feel guilty about not really wanting to go? About not going at all? If I don't go, I thought I should at least send her a card, but I haven't talked to her for five years so I'm not sure what to say beyond (from XXXX). Do I send her a gift? There was no info on where she might have registered. If I send her a card, do you think she's going to write back? I don't want to "keep in touch" with anyone from high school, not really. I have problems enough keeping in touch college friends that have moved away and I really like those guys.

Just not sure what to do. If she just invited me to be polite then I don't feel bad about merely sending a card with a small good luck message. If she invited me because she remembered me and wanted to catch up...then I'd feel kind of guilty (but I don't think I'd feel guilty enough to go).

Old 07-07-2003, 02:33 PM
Debbie9999 Debbie9999 is offline
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Default Re: Invited to a wedding...

Well,here's my opinion...

My time (not to mention money) is very, very precious to me and I cannot waste it. I am "protective" of my time. Also, when I invite someone to something, if there is any chance of it being difficult (person is busy, just had a baby, or lives far away, etc) I make it clear that it is OPTIONAL and in no way OBLIGATORY. It seems that your main reason for going is to participate in a type of reunion, which would be great if she were inviting lots of people. Since she is not inviting many people, if you go with the intent to re-connect with old friends, you might be disappointed. Who knows, maybe she ran into your mom and maybe your mom hinted that you should be invited and maybe she felt obligated to invite you but did not intend on it. Small town living can be tough.

If you do not go, and especially do not plan on becoming friends, I would not send a gift. Sending a card of aknowledgement is probably more than enough. Say very little except for how happy you are for her and leave it at that. Don't even give an excuse. This isn't school and you do not need a note or any form of permission.

You are better off spending time with your real friends. Of course if you do go, then relax and have fun!

Old 07-07-2003, 04:38 PM
Cherie Cherie is offline
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Default Re: Invited to a wedding...

I agree with Debbie. If she wanted to connect for old times sake she could write you a letter -email and add a few pics etc. Maybe mom is behind the invite.......
If it was me, I would send a card saying what a lovely surprise it was and that I cannot possibly make the wedding because I was otherwise engaged with school and other activities. When there is a reunion, you can go and check everybody out, who ever turns up that is!

Old 07-07-2003, 05:50 PM
enderwigginout enderwigginout is offline
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Default Re: Invited to a wedding...

Actually, I seriously doubt my mother is behind the invite. My mom doesn't run in the same circles as this family etc etc and its not her M.O.. My mom's quite sneaky but wrangling an invite to a wedding on my behalf just on the off chance I'd come down isn't something she would do. She knows how I feel about my classmates (at best: mild curiousity, but mostly just apathy) so she would know it would be pointless and it would make her look "desperate" or something to this crowd and she's a lot more worried about her own rep than anything else (even seeing me after a couple of years). That's small town politics. Especially as played by mom.

I think I may be one of those "class mysteries" right know, she left and dropped of the face of the earth kind of things. Also I saw a few old teachers of mine (who I'm pretty sure do run in the same circles as this girl's family) last time I was home (a few years ago) at a time when I was ana and weighed about 105. Everyone commented on how "grown-up" and "gorgeous" I looked, and how great it was that I "slimmed down" I might have been invited as more of a curiousity (since I was chubby and never known for my looks in high school--I never even had a boyfriend or went out on a date). Or she may just be inviting more people and my mom is just saying she's not inviting many to try to guilt me into coming. That's more my mom's speed.

Regardless though, I don't think I'm going to go. I was feeling more guilty about not going before so thanks for that. [img]/forum/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] If I had $100-$200 bucks for a nice dress, $ for a hair-cut, and bus fare right now I'd think about it...but I don't and that's the most important hurtle. Also, I think it may be rude to go just for seeing old faces from school instead of seeing someone make a life-long commitment to another. I would feel tacky, but who really "wants" to go to weddings anyway unless its a family member. [img]/forum/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

Also I'd need a cute boy to go down there with me, and I'd rather be further along in my cut. [img]/forum/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

And seeing old faces from school is NOT worth entering into the whole ball of wax that is my family. I'll probably have to go visit them before I move to Japan in May or August of next year, and even that seems too early.
Old 07-07-2003, 06:53 PM
Serendipity Serendipity is offline
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Default Re: Invited to a wedding...

Don't feel guilty for not attending the wedding. Sending a nice card is mannerly enough.

Me wonders if she invited people to add to her list of wedding presents? [img]/forum/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] hee
Old 07-07-2003, 08:46 PM
MEB MEB is offline
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Default Re: Invited to a wedding...

Check out Miss Manners at the library, she’s the bomb when it comes to “social affairs”.

Listen I have a huge extended family, and still live in the town I grew up in, I know what its like when you wish to avoid certain people. So don’t beat yourself up about it.

He jests at scars that never felt a wound.-- William Shakespeare

Old 07-08-2003, 12:52 AM
teletummy teletummy is offline
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Default Re: Invited to a wedding...

I would (just) send a card. A high school friend invited me 2 years ago to her wedding and I haven't heard from her for more than 11 years. I just sent her a card.
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Old 07-08-2003, 03:01 PM
MusicJennifer MusicJennifer is offline
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Default Re: Invited to a wedding...

Yea, don't waste your time unless you feel that you really WANT to go. Time is too precious to waste. I would, however, send a nice card to the girl and say hello [img]/forum/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]
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Old 07-08-2003, 03:14 PM
enderwigginout enderwigginout is offline
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Default Re: Invited to a wedding...

I'm just going to send a card. One of my roommates had some great suggestions like starting out with "I was surprised to hear from you..." or something like that. She suggested I keep it short and I told her I was going to make her help me write it!
Old 07-08-2003, 04:16 PM
LAM LAM is offline
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Default Re: Invited to a wedding...

the card is a nice gesture and is sufficient.

I honestly wouldn't expect (or invite) someone to come to my wedding if I hadn't talked to them since high school. it's kind of strange but nice in a way that she thought of you.
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