Re: yo-yoing = slow metabolism
Thanx for all of your kind words bbers!
Ditto to lifterchick's sentiments. It's one thing to know in your head what to do, but until it clicks and you know it in your heart you have to just grit your teeth and do it from your mind.
Recovering, like most things in life, is a PROCESS. Which means you have to give it time. The more times you repeat things like "Not eating is NOT an option" (my personal favorite), the easier it is not make it an option and the easier it is to start to understand that it really isn't. Likewise with purging. I used to purge if I was forced to eat with family/friends and I got over that by imagining myself dead on the bathroom floor with blood and vomit all over my face. Nope, its not a pretty sight and its not how I want to go. But, it definately does happen. Purging severally messes with your heart and you could have a heart attack at any time. Sobering thought. Remember it next time you have the urge to purge. [img]/forum/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]
But, believe me, recovering is sooooo worth it. I won't patronize you about how great it is to go to a party and have a few drinks without worrying about the calories or eat food that isn't on some seriously [*%#*%*#] up "safe" list. But I will say something else: having recovered from anorexia (and struggling with depression on and off) I am a lot more self-aware, like body builders know their body inside and out, I know my mind. I know what can set me off into depression and I know the little tricks to keep me out. For instance, keeping my room neat and tidy is VERY important to my mental health. You would be surprised how many times I've had to repeat that lesson. An added bonus is that I've had my mid-life crisis early. [img]/forum/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]
I used to feel like giving up on anorexia would mean that I wasn't dedicated enough to keep up with my "goals" or that I wasn't strong enough to stick with my anorexia. That fades. And in all serious if you have that as a motivation, keep confronting that part of your brain with the knowledge that it just isn't so. In the process of recovering you learn that it takes a lot more strength to know your demons and face them then to never try at all, and staying with this screwed up cooping mechanism will never help you cope nor will it ever get you anywhere except in the hospital and later in a coffin. Cheesy as hell, but the longer you stay engaged in ED behaviors the harder it is to break out of it.
*Ender begins humming a barely recognizable John Denver version of kum-ba-ya*