Re: yo-yoing = slow metabolism
This is coming from someone who had anorexia for eight years and has been recoverED for over a year. I know how hard the pull is and how scary it is to try to let it go.
I would just say trust your body. Let it get used to the idea that you aren't going to screw with it and starve it anymore nor work it to death on little to no food. Use fitday and make sure you are eating a good amount of protein/carbs/fat as well as enough calories to get your metabolism working.
It seems you still have a lot of trouble with your body issues and have drifted into over-exercising. Something that worked for me BIG TIME when I was recovering was to give myself a time limit to just "try" things and if they didn't work I could always go back. So, I gave myself six months with NO delving into behaviors and if I didn't like it or if I got horribly fat I could "go back." Now, I had been on the fence for a year or so before this, not fully commiting to full recovery, but then I just decided to go for broke. I did slip a few times, but I knew that if I did cheat I was really cheating MYSELF. I gave it six months, gritting my teeth the whole way, but I was determined NOT to cheat on myself. I did gain weight, but I did not get fat and would never trade my decision for anything. After that six months I was able to start eating quite normally and have been recoverED for over a year!
So, my advice is to give yourself a time limit of at least three months. No behaviors (which is hella hard, I know but ya have to stop or you will end up killing yourself). Let your body and your metabolism get adjusted. This means for three months, you WILL:
1) Eat 4-6 meals a day.
2) Eat ENOUGH calories with a good p/c/f ratio.
3) Lift three times a week (or whatever your split is).
4) Keep cardio to 2-3 days per week and only 20-30 minutes per session.
5) UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES engage in ED behaviors.
6) Allow yourself one day out of the week to eat whatever you want (but try to make sure you get enough protein in).
If you feel like engaging in behaviors or if you feel "fat" then write in your journal, go for a slow walk outside, color, call a friend, go to the movies, write a letter to a friend thats in another town, put on some makeup, dress up and go out with friends, go window shopping, draw, go to the park and watch children play or swing, watch a good movie, play with your pet (if you have one), go to the zoo...and so on and so forth.
You may gain weight initially, but chances are it will level off and you may even end up loosing weight. However, I would say your idea of a "normal" weight is still messed up. The normal weight for someone that is 5' 3" is about 110-130. By height it's 115. My dietition used to say go by the height equation and that should be the lowest you should be. So if you are gaining weight it probably means YOU NEED TO GAIN THAT WEIGHT.
You have to let your body adjust hon. I know its scary, but you have to give it proper nutrition and exercise realistically and HEALTHILY.
Look at Krypto, she looks FREAKING AWESOME and she isn't a stick. On other threads she has talked about fighting her genetics for a long time, but soon realized that she would never be petite. So, she stopped fighting her genetics and just went for it. Does she look fat? NOPE. Does she look chubby? Nope. Does she look like she could pick me up and throw me over the Great Wall of China? Yep, and that is SO COOL. She is a STRONG woman, and I don't think its just on the outside. [img]/forum/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] Yet, if you asked her for her weight I bet you'd be very surprised at the number.
Here's an exercise. Go to a store with a lot of magazines. Pick up Elle and pick up a body building mag, or hell even Shape magazine (since most of the fitness models in there lift heavy). Look at the kind of girls in Elle. The girls in Elle look...well...they ARE skinny but most of them look malnourished and unhappy. Most of them look too skinny, waifish, and just not healthy. Now open the bodybuilding mag. Look at the girls on those pages. Look how great they look with some muscles. They look HEALTHY. They look like they can go dancing for hours and not pass out. They ENJOY their bodies instead of being trapped by them. These girls weigh a lot. They have a low BF%, but their actual weights are much higher than 108-110. I know I'm stressing this a lot, but the point is DONT THINK ABOUT WEIGHT. Let it go.
I'm not going to lie. At times there is a part of me that would love to be 100 pounds again, tiny and fragile and delicate. But, where did that EVER get me? It almost landed me in the hospital for a very long time. It almost landed me in a coffin. I want to be a STRONG capable woman and part of that is taking care of me. I want to be my own person. And part of that is letting me be myself, as well as letting my body do what it naturally needs to do.
You can influence your body, but you can't change it. Unless I go back to ana I'll never be that tiny. I don't have the genetics for it. But, what I can do is lift and eat right and cut down to a good bf%. I don't know how I'll turn out, but at least at the end of the day I can eat and ENJOY the body that I've built. And you won't be fat or chubby. But, you have to be patient (I have a hard time with this too) changes don't come quickly. [img]/forum/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]
I'm sorry this is so long, but I just hate to see others hurting. I've been there, but now that I'm on the other side its so very hard for me to figure out how to help people through. Sometimes I think I make people frustrated, but I've been there too. When I was struggling with major depression I had a boyfriend who used to be very depressed try and help me through and we just ended up frustrated. I wanted him to say the magic words or tell me the magic solution to make it all go away. But, it just doesn't work like that. You have to figure it all out on your own and that just sucks. Trust me though, its so much better on THIS side. You just have to go through a lot of crap to get over here. And the biggest hurtle is learning to TRUST your body, even though it make it a while to trust you back.