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-   -   Okay, I need advice on dealing with this boyfriend dude o' mine... (http://www.abcbodybuilding.com/forums/showthread.php?t=66793)

Paige 05-08-2005 08:35 AM

Okay, I need advice on dealing with this boyfriend dude o\' mine...
 
Okay, since my boyfriend and I have started dating he's been trying to make 'something' happen, and I haven't wanted to. A little over a month ago I laid the smackdown about it and maybe bruised his ego in the process, but I have my boundaries and I'm not afraid to let them be known and why.

I'll call him 'J.' So since then I've been trying to contact J with little success; doesn't return my calls although he'll fire text messages back to me. He works at the gym I go to; when I cornered him one day to see how he's been he said he's been busy. So I figured yeah, that's understandable 'cause he works insane hours and could use his day off to clean his house or spend time with his best friend or whatever. I haven't been clingy by any means, although I like to think I put a lot energy into it. I would bring him lunch at work or invite him to do something and exhibit some interest in how he's been, but he would decline any invitation and say he would give me a call, though he never would.

WELL, I haven't worked out in about two weeks, so I haven't seen J in awhile. One of our mutual friends that also works at the gym I primarily went to, I will call him 'R', emailed me asking me where I've been. So I told him and eventually R told me J has been absorbed in his new girlfriend. So I'm like "WTF?" in my reply. I didn't know we had broken up since he didn't say anything or if this is something he's doing behind my back, nor does R. Unless his barely speaking to me for almost two months is a cowardly way of breaking up. Either way, this is all the more reason for me to be happy I didn't have sex with him! Wheeeee!

This is my second boyfriend, so I guess I'm pretty let down in a way 'cause I liked him a lot. I'm not mad by any means, but I would like to know what's going on. Either way he's struck out with this stunt; the frist two times he stood me up on dates and wouldn't talk about why, much less offer an apology. I'm sort of tempted to just let it all go and do nothing. Unless there's a better way of handling it, but obviously I don't know what it is. What do you think?

mrExtreme 05-08-2005 10:58 AM

Re: Okay, I need advice on dealing with this boyfriend dude o\' mine...
 
It's obvious to me that he doesn't care about you or your feelings or else he wouldn't be standing you up on dates and ignoring you. I can't believe his way of breaking up with you is to just stop talking to you. That's something I would expect from a high school girl. [img]/forum/images/graemlins/smirk.gif[/img] How old is this guy?! Anyway, I think you should just move on to another guy since he's been cheating on you. I'm surprised that you've let this go on for two months. If you want you could call him and "officially" break up with him if that makes you feel better about it.

Paige 05-08-2005 11:11 AM

Re: Okay, I need advice on dealing with this boyfriend dude o\' mine...
 
Haha, he's 28. Our 'R' friend just got back to me and said he's been dating her for months and has been totally gaga over her and appaerntly forgot about me. Though I let it go on just 'cause I had no idea, he said he was busy and I trusted him. [img]/forum/images/graemlins/crazy.gif[/img]

mr_papagiorgio 05-08-2005 11:24 AM

Re: Okay, I need advice on dealing with this boyfriend dude o\' mine...
 
Sounds like he was more of just a guy you were seeing than a real boyfriend. Time to move on and forget about it, not worth your time.

Adam Knowlden 05-08-2005 02:52 PM

Re: Okay, I need advice on dealing with this boyfriend dude o\' mine...
 
[ QUOTE ]
Haha, he's 28. Our 'R' friend just got back to me and said he's been dating her for months and has been totally gaga over her and appaerntly forgot about me. Though I let it go on just 'cause I had no idea, he said he was busy and I trusted him.


[/ QUOTE ]

Hey Paige, I don't know if you got to see my relationship series (not done yet, plan to add more parts), but I would start there.

It doesn't sound like he's a Christian, so I wouldn't even waste time getting too attached.

<font color="red"> 14Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? </font>

http://www5.ocn.ne.jp/~midorino/artclips/yoke.gif

Paul said that in an intimate relationship, you should not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever.

Why? Well a yoke was a type of harness that was put around the neck of two bulls. The idea is they would work together as one unit, and therefore twice the power.

If one bull is weaker than the other, instead of working as one unit, the weaker bull will only slow the stronger one down.

Same with a relationship. God gives us a mate so that they can work together in His Kingdom.

<font color="blue"> Genesis 2:24
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. </font>

He is the One guiding us, like the farmer guides the bulls.

So what is sex then? Its a symbol of a covenant.

God always gives physical signs for a covenant. Communion is a sign of the blood covenant.

Sex is a sign of the covenant the man and woman have made before God and the church, to work together in God's Kingdom. It should be done often as communion should be done often, to keep the covenant strong.

If its done outside of a covenant, it becomes unprofitable and just a ritual, with no purpose. Like eating bread and juice without the revelation of what it represents.

Communion has the power to administer healing, both physically and spiritually. Not because the bread and juice possess any special properties, but because they are contact points, reminding us of God's covenant.

Sex too has healing properties in a marriage. But not because the act itself does anything, its the revelation of what it represents that heals.

The world desires that intimacy that sex within a covenant offers, but then reduces it to a cheap one night stand.

This union is to grow in such a way that the two actually become one flesh. How this occurs is a mystery. But when God is at the center, it becomes like a trinity.

God + Husband + Wife = One

So, sex outside of a covenant serves no purpose. I could go off, but I'll save it! [img]/forum/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

Its only to fulfill a fleshy desire, and its empty.

So you were right to not have sex with this guy.

He is not wanting to work with you in God's Kingdome, he is only working to get his flesh satisfied.

MansonOzz 05-08-2005 08:19 PM

Re: Okay, I need advice on dealing with this boyfriend dude o\' mine...
 
Hey Paige

Speaking as a young guy, and I know my "peers" (loosely stated, of course [img]/forum/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img] ), I'd say you're best off forgetting about him and letting him go after what he thinks he wants. He'll regret it later most likely, although at 28 he should really grow up by now. Then again, look at the rest of the world.

X-Factor 05-08-2005 09:37 PM

Re: Okay, I need advice on dealing with this boyfriend dude o\' mine...
 
Paigey, you sound like a smart girl, and this sounds way below you. My mom always said if she's not sure she wants to be with you, you should be sure you don't want to be with her. It needs to be equal.. God has someone tucked away for you. And OS my dad told me almost the exact same thing you just said. And it's so true.

Kroenen 05-09-2005 02:28 PM

Re: Okay, I need advice on dealing with this boyfriend dude o\' mine...
 
You are way better then him. Don't call him, just move on. There are a lot of nice guys out there and since you sound like a nice girl I'm sure you won't have trouble finding one soon.

littleamazon 05-09-2005 02:59 PM

Re: Okay, I need advice on dealing with this boyfriend dude o\' mine...
 
Move on.
He's not worthy of you.
You did nothing wrong setting parameters.
It was a good thing that you stood by your beliefs and were true to yourself!
Since everything happened after your refusal to sex, I would assume that that was what he was after.
Standing you up and avoiding you is just a coward's way out.
This is not even a man, he's just a little boy. Believe me, there are still a lot of little boys out there..age doesn't matter.
On the same token, there are a lot of 23 and 26 year olds that have really matured into better men being rejected because of age.

You are free.
You are single.
Out in the world for someone the really deserves you.
Use this as a lesson in life, as no matter how good you are, you never know what the other side is thinking or doing. It is not you, it is the choices they make because of who they are.

Were you guys introducing each other as girlfriend and boyfriend? If not, he might have been dating several girls at a time..Did he ever ask you to be exclusive? These days, with all the crazy men and women out there, you can't assume exclusivity, it has to be clearly outlined for many. If not, for them, anything goes. Sorry to break it down that way but thought you should know.

Hugs,

Amazon

Kroenen 05-09-2005 03:17 PM

Re: Okay, I need advice on dealing with this boyfriend dude o\' mine...
 
[ QUOTE ]
On the same token, there are a lot of 23 and 26 year olds that have really matured into better men being rejected because of age.

[/ QUOTE ]

like me [img]/forum/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]


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