I Want to be Happier

[l0stsheep]

ABC helps people grow physically, this thread is aimed to help people grow emotionally.

Martin Seligman likes to tell of when he was gardening one day and his 5-year old daughter Nikki came out to join him. Amidst his furious weedking, his daughter Nikki was off to the side joyously throwing the weeds into the air and dancing around. He yelled at her to stop and she walked away only to return moments later. She asked to talked to him.
"Yes, Nikki."
"Daddy do you remember before my fifth birthday? From three to five I was a whiner, I whined every day. But when I turned five, I decided not to whine anymore. That was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. And if I can stop whining, you can stop being such a grouch [!] (Seligman, 1991).

He goes on to relate how, just like our actions, are emotions and our thoughts (cognitions) are under our control. This thread will rely heavily on that point. It may not be easy, and important things rarely are, but it's possible to learn to control our thoughts and our emotions.

Throughout this thread I want to post, and encourage others to post, any helpful techniques they have used to help bring more lasting happiness and satisfaction into their lives.

[l0stsheep]

I will start with one:

Positive Journaling
Many people are familiar with the concept of journaling, if not under the impression that journaling is not very masculine. When, in fact, nothing could be further from the truth. What could be more masculine than taking your thoughts and feelings head on? Only strong men and women could have such might (and you all are strong!).

Positive journaling is somewhat different than normal journaling. The first part is the same: take time everyday to sit down and put your thoughts and feelings onto paper. But the second part is what can make journaling a positive part in your life (normal journaling IS possitive in that it helps sort out your thoughts, but journaling can do so much more). After you have listed something, positive journaling asks you to evaluate what you have listed.

If what you have listed is negative - Then think of how you can appraise the situation differently. Are you capturing every point of view, or can you look at this situation differently? I guarantee you that other points of view are there, and I know you can find a positive way to appraise even a dismal situation. Positive journaling asks you to find that positive appraisal of the situation and journal about it.

If what you have listed is neutral or positive - Then think of behavior you can do to further this situation. How can you extent the positive nature of the situation or feeling? Or, how can you turn this neutral situation into a positive one. Just like above, I guarantee that you can find this positive appraisal, and once you do, journal about it.

After your journaling - Resolve to put your words into action! I can't speak more highly of how effective positive BEHAVIOR can have on your mindset. I will post more sources in a bit about how behavior can effect your cognitive state.

Good luck!

[Commander]

Throughout this thread I want to post, and encourage others to post, any helpful techniques they have used to help bring more lasting happiness and satisfaction into their lives.

I knew from a young age that life was precious and that I should try to enjoy every moment. So my technique is to remind myself to take each day slowly because you never know when it will end or when I loved one may be taken away from you.

Now that I have two young boys, it is even more important to me to remind myself daily to take it slow, because sometimes feelings creep in of "I just wish they would grow out of this stage..." but you know, there will ALWAYS be some new stage, so why rush the current one. Just live life and love it everyday.

[l0stsheep]

I like it commander! Thanks for the input! I hope it will continue to come.


My next idea comes from the new literature on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (Hayes, 2007).

As we go through life, we are undoubtedly met with difficult life situations. Maybe we lose a job, lose a loved one, fail a test, fail in an interview. Life is uncanny in it's unrelenting supply of difficult times. The question I pose today is how you view these difficult life situations.

Oftentimes, when something happens to us we are prone to blame ourselves. "Why didn't I study enough?" "I should have spent more time at home." "I should have been a better friend."

But are we always right to accept blame when something happens to us? In any circumstance, there are many possible explanations for a certain outcome. If you fail a test, it may be that you are "not smart" or it could be that your professor didn't prepare you for the test. If you miss a workout, it could be that you "didn't have enough foresight," or if could be that something out of your control came up during the day.

So, when looking at life situations, don't look to yourself as "responsible" but look to yourself as "response-able." When something negative comes up, you are not at fault for the situation, but you are able to respond to the situation.

There is liberation in being able to let go of any possession of life situations in leu of accepting the ability to respond to them.

[bigbear6708]

Great thread!!! i will be honest, i am a mild attention seeker...i sometimes catch myself trying to 'outdo' others...or tell a better story after someone else is done, always trying to be 'in first place so to speak'...i am aware of this...and lately have been working on it..today i found my horoscope in a newspaper and it hit home PERFECT it is now in my pocket, and will be there every day....

"The person who finishes first is not always the winner. There is something valuable to be gained through patience and humility. Quiet, selfless acts build your inner strenght."

[MartinofSweden]

I find this an important subject and would like to join the discussion, with a slight twist. Putting this short I believe that negative emotions do not neccecarily need to be all bad but could actually be benefitial, in that they may give rise to questions regarding the purpose of life and may make you search for your creator.



There is absolutely nothing that comes even close to the peace and overwhelming joy you experience when laying down and resting at the feet of your God. Check out Hebrews 4 which speaks of the rest that is available to us through Christ.



Coming to Him in prayer and songs really transforms my state of mind from darkness to light and gives perspective on life. In His mighty presence all issues of my life become highly insignificant. The more I see of Jesus the more I realize how fully dependant I really am on Him, and my heart is overflowing with thankfullness. If you haven´t experienced His grace yet you should search for Him, there is nothing in this world (or in the life that has been given to you) worth holding you back - you have everything to win and nothing to loose!

[klosey]

I find this an important subject and would like to join the discussion, with a slight twist. Putting this short I believe that negative emotions do not neccecarily need to be all bad but could actually be benefitial, in that they may give rise to questions regarding the purpose of life and may make you search for your creator.



There is absolutely nothing that comes even close to the peace and overwhelming joy you experience when laying down and resting at the feet of your God. Check out Hebrews 4 which speaks of the rest that is available to us through Christ.



Coming to Him in prayer and songs really transforms my state of mind from darkness to light and gives perspective on life. In His mighty presence all issues of my life become highly insignificant. The more I see of Jesus the more I realize how fully dependant I really am on Him, and my heart is overflowing with thankfullness. If you haven´t experienced His grace yet you should search for Him, there is nothing in this world (or in the life that has been given to you) worth holding you back - you have everything to win and nothing to loose!


without going to the bible and staying scientific. i think negativity can be channelled into a positive sort of if angry generally testosterone is higher so hitting the weights in a controlled anger could be benificial in getting passed plateu's etc?

[MartinofSweden]

without going to the bible and staying scientific. i think negativity can be channelled into a positive sort of if angry generally testosterone is higher so hitting the weights in a controlled anger could be benificial in getting passed plateu's etc?

I´m not sure I follow, do you mean getting angry increases testosterone?

[bigbear6708]

maybe....if not, getting angry, definately puts me into the zone for a GREAT workout..i find going on a run when im mad is a great way to get a good cardio wo as well as increase my mood..i can just get into the zone and workout!

[Algavinn]

A few months ago my fiance of 3 and a half years left me. This was by far the most painful experience of my life, and in all truth she was all that mattered to me. How am I doing right now? Quite well, really. I think largely she was such a huge part of my life and who I was that having it removed forced me to be another person, on top of the shock of it all. Either way it has still taken a lot of conscious effort to keep myself from spiraling down. The biggest things for me, I think, in this have been the therapeutic effects of working to better myself. This means increased discipline, dedication, health, and aesthetic qualities through body building, mental and intellectual through meditation, spiritual, philosophical, academic, and strategic study, and many other things. Realizing that to make the most of this life and ensuring that I can grab onto every opportunity that I so desire means making myself the best person I can be. I may not have what I want right now, but I am making sure that when it comes along, I will have it.

Secondarily I cannot stand, more than just about anything else, the feeling of regret. "The saddest words of mice and men are 'it may have been' " I don't know if I have that quote accurately stated, but it stands true either way. Knowing that I did not try hard enough, and missed something that I will never have the chance of having again, or doing something that cannot be undone. These are true tragedies. With every action I keep in mind whether this is something that will cause me suffering in the future. Suffering comes from within, only pain is not under our control. I do the best to limit my suffering.



I am fairly happy, despite my loss, because there is still potential in this life. Without life there is no potential, so I continue, optimistically, even though I am not satisfied with what I have now. One source in particular that I found very illuminating and helpful was the book 'The Art of Happiness' by the Dalai Lama. This is a secular look at emotions and suffering, and how we can defeat negative emotions. It is written by an American psychologist with interviews with the Dalai Lama, so is backed by a lot of scientific study and research. I would suggest it to anyone looking to lead a happier life.

[spider-man]

i think journals are invaluable. I know mine, i write down every days something good that has happened to me. Even stuff like, 'i got to work safely, car didn't break down, lunch was delicious, i get to go to school,' ect. Simple things like that. After a short while, everything turns into something good.

With people that just get under my skin, i try to do something nice for them. Like go outta my way for them. Even if they don't appreciate me, i will have a new found respect for them.

I don't necessarily think anger will increase testosterone levels, but i understand you klosey. I think its more of an aggression thing, than an anger thing.

Being extremely aggressive from time to time is a big stress releiver. Makes me feel tons better, and keeps me sane

[Algavinn]

Aye, I have to agree about the cathartic nature of aggression at times. Sometimes it just makes you feel a lot better to get into the gym and pound the weights a bit, and maybe get in a good run or even some time on the punching bag. This is one reason I miss a prior appartment gym that had some good punching bags, always good to have one close at hand :)

But also, I do keep a couple of journals for various things, and it does help a lot. The largest is that it lets you take the thoughts from your day and put them somewhere that you may look at them, understand what has happened better, and find your opinion/view on them. From there you can act on the days events, or feel more comfortable putting them away. Recognizing the good, fixing the bad. It's all good stuff.

[Jinxplayer]

For a long time in my life, i was miserable. Sports nor faith nor anything could save me from the feeling i had about the world around me.

Then, finally at bottom again, i was convinced to start seeing a therapist again. As i have done this many times in my short life, i had no problem talking to someone. This time, they put me on some medication. I used to never want to take meds because i dont like putting synthetic stuff in my body; just doesnt sound right to me.

But this time i did it, and for someone who has depression that runs in his family, im feeling the best i have ever felt right now, thanks to one silly little pill.

Its important to understand why you feel bad and to objectively look at that, which im sure the journals help a lot. Realize, that you probably wont feel incrementally better and better, but a "Eureka!" moment happens, and you realize that thinks look differently when you change the way you look at things (Max Plankt quote btw;) ), and i feel that is so true.

So gl in your endevors,
Ryan

[seyffer]

I know this is an older thread. Just thought I would throw my 2 cents in.

Life is hard.

No matter who you are, what are you doing, what your circumstances, life is hard. Don't ever forget that, but don't dwell on it either.

Think of when you were in school, the teacher would ask a question, you don't know the answer to, but somehow they would always call on you. That's thought projection, that's life.

I have found, through everything, my experiences, my studies, my everyday life, that looking at the patterns that present themselves everyday hold value. Sometimes small, sometimes large, they are meaningful. Whether you take a scientific approach, or a religious approach, or both for that matter, the idea is the same.

With that being said, if you wake up everyday, with the feeling of assertion and confidence, you will never feel unprepared. Never thinking you "don't know the answer," or, "I hope this doesn't happen." This will only lead you to problems.

The idea is so simple yet hard to truly apply.

Think positive. Always. Look at the negatives, but don't let them consume you. They are like a sickness, they will overwhelm you. If your mind is not prepared to deal with them, like a virus in a weak immune system, they will wreak havoc. Truly dwelling on a negative situation, you will often find that situation staring you in the face. Instead of thinking about how it will destroy you, only think about how you can overcome it, with thoughtful action.

Of course, that's more easily said then done. Especially when you are always bombarded with issues. You always feel under the weight of problems that never seem to end. You keep thinking that if you keep a positive attitude they will stop, but they wont.

Now you have to look at the bigger issue.

Where are you? Why are you in this place? What about your current situation affects you, or perhaps can be related to these problems? Look outside yourself for a day. Look at what you say and do, and how it reflects on you either physically, emotionally, situationally. Look at your personal patterns. Self analysis is key!

I used to be miserable. Always sad, depressed, reclusive. I thought the world was my problem. The problem was me, not dealing with me, but dwelling on problems outside my control.

You can find massive amounts of philosophy, scripture, psychology, new age philosophy and psychology, even quantum science that all play into these ideas.

I have read the bible (large portions anyway), I have read Lao Tzu, I have read buddhist philosophy, Zen, modern psychology, you name it.

All I can say in closing this thought (sorry it's so long) is this:

Stay awake, aware and ALWAYS positive. Keep an open attitude, always looking and seeing, there are lessons everywhere. Take what you can from EVERY situation and think about how it applies to every facet of your life. Look at both your inner and outer self. In every situation analyze the role YOU play in it. Don't rely on others to make you happy. Don't take anything for granted. Always do what you can for others, regardless of their opinion of you. Surround yourself with positive influences. Remove the negative. Always keep a light heart, the pressures of life always will want to weigh you down.

I hope I haven't rambled too much...

All I can say is that integrating these philosophies into my everyday life has worked wonders for myself and my current place in life.

Good luck to anyone who reads this, I hope it has struck a note in some way or another...

[Rizzen]

Praise God for this thread.

Psychology and mental health has been an extremely difficult subject for me to deal with and understand - in fact a scary subject to dealve into.

I have spent hours and hours trying to understand depression, schizophrenia, and other mental disorders trying to understand to help others, and self diagnose or help myself to over come mental health problems.

I have seen the movie "A Beautiful Mind" and it paints a scary picture of a life with mental health disorder.

A physical injury or sickness is very easy for me to see or identify, and the symptoms are familiar.

Building mental health, mental strength, and overcoming mental injuries, un healthiness, and sickness must come before the physical building can begin. What is your opinion?

I journal. It has become very important to me for my job, for my fitness, finances, and even personal life. I have been looking for a way to improve my journaling, and this is why this thread has become a blessing.

I have been journaling on a positive - negative basis. In my journal, I would decide if the particular event that occured that I am journaling was a success, or if it was a failure. This type of journaling, which I am learning from this post, is incorrect and will not work. For I judge myself, and my actions of the day and decide if I have failed or not. And I often fail in my mind, but this may or may not be true. But what good does this do to ponder a failure, or even to ponder them so much as to journal them so as to ponder them over and over again later?

I think this enters into the Pschology of bodybuilding, and to add, many other parts of life. Building a sound, healthy, strong mind is also a daily affair and I think can be demonstrated by the way I keep my journal.

I am a novice, but I deem it very important, to target the mind and guard it, and keep it. I think that journaling is a way of seeing what is in my mind. Also, there may be a real connection worth looking at between what is in my mind, and how my body is doing.

I have many entries in my journals that simply end with the phrase "Fail" or more recently "Failed to advance". This could be a disease within my journals that need to be gotten rid of. Thank you here for working with this. Praise God! :D

[niggles]

Rizzen, you are only human. Everyone feels they have failed at something when really they havent. its just how we are, to be critical of ourselves. what makes us mentally strong is whether we can see past the bad stuff and look at the positives and grow from them.

mental well being is just as important as ones physical well being. i believe that bodybuilding is just as much mental and it is physical. it takes strength to push that little harder, go that little further and keep a smile on your face and be happy about it. lifes hard, but what would life be if it was a breeze. the tough times are what makes life interesting.

something small i do in my diary/journal is something i call 3BT (3 beautiful things). everyday you write down 3 beautiful things of that day. it can range from the nice weather to someone doing something for you. it puts a positive perspective on everything, even when bad stuff turns you down.

[Rizzen]

Perhaps, there is an order to what needs to be strenthened. I am thinking that first spiritual strength, and then mental strength, and then physical strength. Like, one produces the other that produces the other? What do you think?

Positive spiritually - Postitive psychologically - positive gains physically?

[big_m]

I'm kind of new to the iron game, however, I have spent a few years dealing with Spiritual health (I'm a pastor). What helps me stay healthy spiritually is realizing that I can't make myself better. I must surrender my will to my Creator's will. He promises to never leave me, and to be with me always, through good times and through rough times. Maintaining a high level of Thankfulness keeps me humble and happy. Take time each day to reflect on Jesus Christ - His sacrifice and His love. Read from the Bible and realize that we have the ability to hear from the mouth of GOD, the most powerful being ever. This God wants to get to know you better. Stopping to reflect on this each day, will help you live a life of worship, and will increase your love for Him.

[niggles]

What helps me stay healthy spiritually is realizing that I can't make myself better.

hmm..i dont know if you worded it wrongly, but i disagree with that. being healthy spiritually as well as mentally and physically, derives from that fact that you are making yourself better, or striving to make yourself better. why lift weights if you believe you cant make yourself better?

[big_m]

I didn't explain clearly enough. Spiritually, the only thing we can do to make ourselves better is surrender to Christ and have the attitude "not my will but your will be done." We do this through Bible Study, finding out how we should live and act from scripture and applying it to our lives. We can choose to follow this advice from scripture and become more like Christ, or we can choose to do the opposite and be drawn further away from Christ, spiritual atrophy so to speak. A big part of becoming more spiritually fit is realizing that we must surrender to the power of the Holy Spirit. It is He who works in our lives, molding us in the image of Christ. If you have accepted Jesus Christ as your Savior, then the God who made the universe lives within you and desires a relationship with you.

I strive to live my life as an act of worship to my God. Spiritually, I read the Bible, pray, surrender my will to His, and show others the love of God. Physically, I strive to worship God through how I take care of the temple that is my physical body, watching what I put into it, exercising it to keep it healthy and strong, keeping my mind sharp through study, etc...

Sorry for the long confusing answer. Hopefully it helps explain my previous answer. In a nutshell, we can only make Spiritual progress through the power and control of the Holy Spirit. We can't do anything of our own strength to draw closer to Christ, and to true happiness which is a life of devoted worship to our Creator, following His will.

Have a great weekend

[klosey]

I didn't explain clearly enough. Spiritually, the only thing we can do to make ourselves better is surrender to Christ and have the attitude "not my will but your will be done." We do this through Bible Study, finding out how we should live and act from scripture and applying it to our lives.


doesnt really apply to the likes of me, i'm draconic

[dan81]

I´m not sure I follow, do you mean getting angry increases testosterone?

From what i have read on aggression. Testosterone makes you more aggressive but aggression also makes you produce more testosterone.

[fightbackhxc21]

klosey what is draconic?

[klosey]

klosey what is draconic?

is an old world religion which is the belief of 5 elements but each element has and associated guard which entails the same personallity as the elements

[NJI]

Article: "How Happy Are You?"

http://books.google.com/books?id=xscDAAAAMBAJ&printsec=frontcover&source=gbs_hpmagazines#PPA118,M1

[l0stsheep]

Hey Gang! Another entry here:

There was an interesting study published in Martin Seligman's book Authentic Happiness (2002). Seligman, along with his colleague Jeffy Levy, conducted a study looking at ways of enhancing happiness at the University of Pennsylvania. They took a group (n=50) of severely depressed individuals -- those who were diagnosed on the extreme end of depression (mild, moderate or extreme). At the end of the experiment, 94% of the participants experienced relief, with their diagnoses changing from extreme to either mild or moderate depression.

Here's the catch: the study on lasted for only 15 days and he only taught them one simple happiness-enhancing exercise. He instructed each of them to log onto a website where they would recall and write down three positive things that happened to them that day. That's it! Examples could be "Went to lunch with Mark today" or "Someone held the door open for me."

Relief was found by simply remembering three positive things. No psycho-babble or freudian analysis. And Seligman hypothesized that these increases in happiness could benefit anyone, not just depressed individuals! So, if you are in need of a pick up, try remembering three positive things a day for 2 week and see what happens.

[rogjodoin]

I believe the majority were in fact Christian. Regardless though you would have to be completely blind to not see the huge influence Christ has had on this very blessed country.

You would also have to be blind to not notice how this country has gone downhill as it has continuously pushed Christ away. More and more people push Christ away and things seem to get worse and worse.

Amen, brother!! I agree with you 100%.

[l0stsheep]

For those who would like to continue their discussion on religion, I have moved it to the sanctuary sub-forum in order to keep this thread on topic.

Thanks

http://www.abcbodybuilding.com/forums/showthread.php?t=92182